Tuesday, May 26, 2009

My First Break Down

During the time in the hospital we ever given so much information from so many people (some of which came from people who weren't Drs and had no business opening their mouths) that I just felt so completely overwhelmed! Now that we've been home the realness of this is finally setting in. I find myself praying every time I check her blood that they made a mistake and her levels are back to normal and this is over with! I had my first break down in the isle of our grocery store while holding a box of Dora fruit snacks (her favorite snack)...she'll never be able to enjoy them again. She'll never have another day that doesn't include counting carbs, shots and finger pokes. Will she even get to remember what a care free life she enjoyed before this? I used to strongly believe that everything happened for a reason but I really can't think of any reason why this needed to happen to my baby girl!


Jill said...

Oh dear! ((((HUGS)))) The memories of those feelings you are feeling are still so fresh for me. I've had my share of what I call "Mommy Meltdowns". Please know that this is NORMAL and you ARE allowed to have these! The best thing I did for myself during that time was talk to other Moms feeling the same thing. It made me feel better that someone else knew the frustration, pain, sadness and more. We're all here to help you through this :) And I'm here to say...you CAN do this! You're gonna be a stronger Mommy because of this. All you have to do is jump on the bandwagon with us and stick together.
By the way, go back and buy those Dora fruit snacks because she CAN have them. You can use those for when she has lows and you can also give them to her for "special treats" and just cover the insulin for them. There is no reason to deny her those. Kacey doesn't like fruit snacks but I've other T-1 Moms talking about how they are an excellent source when their child is having lows. So you'll need them ;) I know you're overwhelmed now but please know it does get easier and you get set into a routine that just becomes a new kind of normal. And, no she probably won't remember life before diabetes BUT it will be all she's ever known so for her it IS her normal. That was the hardest part for me to accept for Kacey because I remember what life before diabetes was like and eventually she won't.
If you ever wanna talk, please don't hesitate to drop me an email :) mom2knkc@inna.net ...I'm a good listener and a great shoulder :)

Shamae (Ghost written by Loren her hubby) said...

Hugs too...I have had those moments often! Sometimes I still get them when the realness sets in over and over. One of the difficult things is finding a balance. You will find that balance but it will take time too.

Get her the fruit snack. :D You will want to have them around for when she is low and, like Jill mentioned, there will be times where you can give her insulin to compensate for the carbs. If you have any questions email or ask on your blog. s_gneiting@hotmail.com We have all been there and finding that balance is difficult. Hugs again!!

Joanne said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes... 8 months after Elise's dx I still have moments like those. It does get better and you will get to a point where everything becomes almost second nature.

I'm not as seasoned at this as some of these other Moms. But I am one of the few with a little one, so please ask if you have any questions!

Amy said...

You made me remember my first "break down" after Jada's diagnosis! Everything is so overwhelming and you wonder how you'll ever remember everything they taught you. As Jill said- these melt downs are normal- you are most definitely allowed!
I often tell people that I carry more sweets in my purse now than I ever did! And quite often, my other 3 kids ask why they can't have as much candy/sweet stuff as Jada- my reply is, "Well, would you like to have diabetes, too?"
So- buy those fruit snacks and as time goes on, you'll find that you'll never want to run out of them!
Hang in there- you're doing great- we're all here for you!

Ronda said...

Hello - Reading your post brought me back to our diagnoses. I too had plenty of meltdowns ~ still do. Your story is like reading my own story. I have a four year old that was diagnosed at age two (dx on 6/12/07). We are all hear to help you and feel free to ask questions. I can tell you that I have learned so much from this online "family" of friends. Our daughter is still on multiple daily Injections of insulin. I too keep plenty of candy in my purse so yes, go back and buy those Dora fruit snacks. My daughter loves them too and I don't give her a whole package, but one or two with lunch sure puts a smile on her face! Also good to treat lows! I remember how hard it was at first, but it does it better. Your not alone

Wendy said...

We're just about 4 years into this journey...and I still have moments that I just can't believe this is our life...

We're fruit snack junkies around here :) Addy was also dx with celiac disease last December...so now we're learning to live gluten free on top of managing blood sugars. Fruit snacks have been a lifesaver for us!!!!